There are few television shows that can be considered a cornerstone of pop culture and entertainment, as well as a modern day sitcom classic, Seinfeld is without a doubt one of them. With nine seasons and close to two hundred episodes, Seinfeld is not only one of the most successful comedies of all time, but one of the most quotable pieces of entertainment in history. While the series boasts an impressive roster of hilarious characters, it is Jerry himself who has some of the most iconic and memorable lines throughout the show, and they are typically lines that refer back to the personality and character overall throughout the series. Sit back, let serenity take you over, and let’s examine Jerry Seinfeld’s most iconic quotes.
10 “What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.”
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When Jerry and Elaine are brought along to a party at George’s coworkers house on Long Island, the two friends of Costanza get caught up in numerous conversations they are eager to escape. This favorite Jerry quote from the episode really helps define a key character trait of Seinfeld, as his dislike of parties, large groups, and people in general is really reflected in this line.
9 “Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.”
Throughout the series, the four main protagonists in Seinfeld have an endless run of one-night stands and short-lived relationships, often with one of them breaking up or being broken up with for a hilariously superficial reason. In this season nine episode, Jerry and the gang have a running joke about his girlfriend at the time’s stomach, which he thinks makes a funny voice saying “hellooo”. Referring to Elaine’s on-again, off-again relationship with David Puddy, Jerry declares his opinions on sex and dinner and the commitment both take.
8 “If you want to make a person feel better after they sneeze, you shouldn’t say ‘God bless you.’ You should say, ‘You’re so good-looking!’”
When George says “god bless you” following the sneeze of one of his friends at dinner, the friend’s husband becomes upset and angry after George jokes about this rudeness for not acknowledging the sneeze. Touched by the kindness of George’s gesture, the two begin having an affair. Ever the observant comedian, Jerry remarks about a new potential phrase for when someone sneezes, and thus an iconic Seinfeld quote was born.
7 “I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?”
We’ve all endured a long wait at a restaurant at one point or another in our lives. That is the focal point of this season 2 titled “The Chinese Restaurant”. As Jerry, Elaine, and George wait for a table to eat dinner before going to see the classically bad 1950 Sci-Fi film, Plan 9 from Outer Space, they are rebuffed at every attempt to get a table much quicker. When Elaine and George decide they can no longer wait and want to leave, Jerry is left with the prospect of going to see the film by himself, one he is not too keen on. The comedian does not want to have to make sarcastic remarks to strangers during the film, ah, the vanity.
6 “People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals”
This season two episode finds Elaine with an opportunity to get a nice apartment in Jerry’s building following the death of a tenant. With Elaine poised to get the apartment and Jerry hesitant about living so close to her, when Kramer suggests maybe Elaine won’t take the apartment, Seinfeld gives his honest opinion on the separation from humans to animals…it’s all about the money.
5 “Today’s almost over. And weekdays always go by fast. Friday we’re leaving. It’s like two days really. It’s like a cup of coffee. It will go by like that.”
As Elaine accompanies Jerry on a trip to visit his parents in Florida, the vacation is quickly derailed by a thermostat controlled by consistently cold elderly people and a night spent sleeping on a pull away bed. As Elaine suffers from overheating and a sore stiff back, Jerry tries to provide her with some comfort regarding the remaining days of their trip. Jerry is right, though, weekdays do always go by fast.
4 “I don’t trust the guy. I think he re-gifted, then he de-gifted, and now he’s using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp.”
It is sometimes forgotten the hilarious role that Bryan Cranston played in his sporadic appearances on Seinfeld. Before his runs on Malcom in the Middle and Breaking Bad, Cranston was the dentist Tim Whatley. It is in this episode from season six that Tim receives a gift of two Super Bowl tickets from Jerry as he is unable to attend the game due to a wedding. As a return gift, Tim gives Jerry the same label maker that was gifted to him by Elaine at Christmastime. When Elaine confronts Whatley about the regifting, he offers her the other Super Bowl ticket leading Jerry to decipher his ulterior motives for a ‘Super Bowl sex romp”.
3 “And you want to be my latex salesman.”
Ah, the birth episode of Vandelay. Before Art Vandelay would go on to be the chosen name of George for various schemes throughout the series, he used “Vandelay Industries” as a fake latex company seeking his employment as he attempted to take advantage of the unemployment system. When his scheme is nearly ruined by Kramer, George rushes from the bathroom to stop him, only to stumble and trip over his pants. This prompts Jerry, as the supposed fake CEO of the company, to disparage the man trying to be his latex salesman.
2 “I don’t wanna be a pirate.”
Few things from television pop culture will go down as famously as the puffy shirt worn by Jerry in the season five episode aptly titled, “The Puffy Shirt”, one of the best episodes of the entire series. When Kramer’s low-talking girlfriend asks Jerry to wear her newest shirt on an appearance on The Today Show, Jerry agrees, not knowing 100% what she has asked of him. Upon discovering what the shirt looks like, Kramer attempts to reassure Jerry that he looks good, that he looks like a pirate. Thus, one of the most iconic Jerry lines was born; he simply didn’t want to be a pirate.
1 “Hello, Newman.”
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It may not be the wittiest, the funniest, and certainly not the nicest, but it is without a doubt the most iconic Jerry Seinfeld line from the entirety of the show. Although only spoken 18 times throughout the 180 episode series, anytime we felt Newman approaching, Jerry’s disdain-filled greeting was sure to follow. Newman, during his appearances, was at times the funniest part of the episode while also helping to facilitate the most iconic Jerry line.
